isn't it funny?

Isn't it funny when you leave parts of yourself behind intentionally? Maybe 'funny' isn't the right word. I don't know what is, though. Anyway, when you leave a part of yourself behind intentionally because you know it's time to move on. What makes you decide it's time to move on? At what point do you decide that enough is enough?

Does anybody believe they can truly make an conscious decision to "move on" or that you just move on when it's time and it happens? This gets down to a whole lot of philosophy that I don't remember from the one class I took at art school, but I think it's something to do with predetermination. I can't decide what I'm going to do because it's already determined by some greater power or cosmic force or whatever it is you believe in. I sort-of believe in that in a lot of ways. It doesn't necessarily mean that I just sit around and let whatever happen, so that whenever I move on, I do, but rather, when I'm ready to move on and I think I'm making the conscious decision to do so, it's just time to move on and it was meant to be at this point.

Anyway, I feel like I'm moving on to a different stage in my life. I don't feel like I'm getting older or stodgier. I feel like I'm getting my shit together so I can pay attention to other things in life. I feel like with age is coming the ability to manage everything that's going on in my life (that, at this point, seems to be unmanageable!)

...

In OTHER news, new job is awesome. I get to work at 9am, take lunch and breaks whenever I need to, use a whack-ass computer, do fun stuff in photoshop all day, work with great people, in a great location in an office in the middle of downtown, with benefits. AWESOME!!! I don't make a shit-ton of money but it's a hell of a lot more than I was making as a barista (which I'm still doing part time, who knows why!)

I also saw a girl in front of me today on my way to work wearing the exact same outfit as me! She was about half as tall as I am, and she is a girl, but we had dark blue jeans on, a blue plaid shirt and a bright green sweater. WTF!?! awesome.

not much else has been going on lately... I'm too tired when I get home to do anything, but I'm getting back on a routine at the gym in the morning before work and getting my shit put back together.

Another thing on a heavier note... I've become Seattle.I went on a blind "date" (in a platonic sense of the word, not a romantic way) last week and the guy was totally not someone I would ever choose to talk to or hang out with. I would've stereotyped him immediately and never talked to him. fortunately for someone (probably not me) I gave him the benefit of the doubt and found out in person that it was scary. His hair looked like it hadn't been washed in many days, he had bad skin and didn't look like he cared about himself, and he wore a utilikilt. I'm all down for guys who want to express their individuality by wearing whatever they want to wear, including kilts. However, this kid looked lost in it. it was huge on him. He was this scrawny lanky guy wearing a kilt. Anyway, Benefit of the doubt. This guy seemed cool when we chatted, so I gave it a go. NO. He's all into the renaissance or something. He was telling me about a puffy linen shirt he made for himself. I imagine he had a sword in that kilt somewhere (and I don't meant he kind I want to put in my mouth, okay?) (okay this is where I become Seattle) So he sent me a message and said he had fun and wanted to do that again, but I did not have fun. It was awkward. He was quiet a lot. We didn't have a lot in common to talk about, he didn't really volunteer any information. We generally just didn't click. I didn't respond to the email. He also sent me a text message a few days later, to which I did not respond. :( I feel bad about it, but too much time has passed and I cannot now fix that by saying "Hey, it was never going to work. Sorry."

it's 9am and time to start work. Ta ta!! (dana, this is for you!) Men-stru-al pro-duccccccc-SHUNNNNNN.