welcome back.

I hven't posted anything in quite some time.

I've been so busy.

I finally quit starbucks. Sunday the 19th was my last day. I've been working non-stop without a day off since October 4th... Tomorrow, Sunday the 26th will mark my first whole entire day off since the 4th with nothing to do.

Today I helped my friend Lisa move... I didn't want to help, but only because I am so tired. Not because I don't want to help, or help her specifically.. just because I'm tired. I start to resent life when I have so much to do all the time, and I spend all of my time indoors. alone. stewing in my own filth which is my apartment... but I put all of that to an end.

Here's how!

Monday I helped Lisa at Home Depot getting painting supplies, then taped up the walls and high places in her new condo. Then Tuesday night I moved everything in my apartment around and created a more functional living space for myself. It looks a lot less messy! (Tomorrow I want to tackle the sewing / creation space.) I also did all my laundry and shuffled everything around and piled up some more stuff to throw out / give away / sell. Wednesday was more help with Lisa at IKEA with some big things she had to buy for her new condo. Thursday I had off and I came home and cooked dinner for me and my friend Mara! (pasta, sauce, italian sausage, garlic toast, wine.) Friday was ME time! I had some pizza for happy hour with Lauren, and then the shit hit the fan....

as I was walking home from 1st hill, I started to take a stroll down memory lane.. both figuratively and literally. this time of year, I don't know why, always makes me "misty" and then feeling the memories that walking through that area caused, I felt more dead inside than I have in a while. I think it was a combination of the stress I've been under lately, the lack of sleep, frustration with my inability to manage my time wisely and efficiently, and any of the other myriad stress factors I have present that made me sort-of hit bottom last night. I had been intending on taking Friday night to myself so once I got home I bought some crackers and had some Wine and SVU time alone on the couch. it was pleasant!! Only four episodes on the disk I got form Netflix, so that sort-of sucked.

I've been dealing with loss of friends lately. They've sort-of just been falling away from me. I wonder what it is abou this city that makes it okay for people to fall away like that and be okay with it. Is it this city specifically or is it any city? Anywhere, USA where people do that? "Oh he 's not talkingt o me so he must not like me. I had better not talk to him and find out if something's the matter. Maybe I did something wrong and I can't deal with that." Well, maybe something's wrong and it's nothing to do with anything you've done? maybe something's the matter and it's just that you're not right there so you're not number one priority? Or maybe you should ask what's wrong instead of ignoring it.

I do have several very good ladies who haven't abandoned me and I have to say I truly do admire their presence. as much so as my bed enjoys mine... bleaaah..